Legal

Terms of Service

Last updated 27 July 2026

This website is a joke. Jarpet & Japes is not a real company. The products do not exist. Nothing here is for sale, no order can be placed, and no payment can be taken. If you arrived hoping to buy a denim refrigerator, we are sorry, and we understand.

What this site is

Jarpet & Japes is a parody — a fictional homeware brand invented for entertainment. Every part of it is made up: the company, its history, its workshops in Kojima and Greensboro, its staff, its customers, and all eighteen products in the collection.

It is written in a deliberately sober, straight-faced voice, which is the entire point of the joke. That voice is not an attempt to deceive anyone, and this page exists so that there is no ambiguity about it anywhere on the site.

Specifically, none of the following is real

The products. There is no Jouch, no Jidge, no Jathtub, and no Joilet.
The prices. No item on this site can be purchased at any price.
The “Add to bag” button. It changes some text on your screen and does nothing else. There is no bag, no checkout, and no payment processing anywhere on this site.
The newsletter signup. It validates your email address in your browser and then forgets it. Nothing is sent, stored, or subscribed.
The specifications, dimensions, weights, lead times, and material claims.
The testing. No product was tested for four thousand fill-and-drain cycles, because no product was built.
The development stories, including the bonnet panel on the A61, the framed pillowcase, and the Barolo stain on test panel 14.
The press quotes. Domestic Quarterly, The Selvedge Review, Interiors Annual, Warp & Weft, and Provenance are invented publications.
The warranties, the trade program, the repair service, and the delivery terms.
The eleven wash grades and the Greensboro archive.
The Refusals. We did not build a test tank for a denim swimming pool.

Images

The product photography on this site is AI-generated and depicts objects that have never been manufactured. Clothing brands, vehicle makers, and other trademarks may appear incidentally within those images. Jarpet & Japes has no affiliation with, endorsement from, or connection to any of them, and none of them had any involvement in this site.

Photographs of identifiable people are published with their permission.

No transactions

This site has no shop. There is no cart, no checkout, no payment processor, and no way to send money to anyone through it. No one will ever contact you asking for payment on behalf of Jarpet & Japes. If someone does, they are not us, because there is no us.

No advice, no warranty

Nothing here is product advice, safety guidance, building guidance, or legal guidance. The care instructions, ventilation requirements, load ratings, and code references are all part of the fiction. Please do not upholster an appliance based on anything written on this site.

The site is provided as-is, with no warranty of any kind, and the author accepts no liability for anything arising from its use.

Contact

If something here is genuinely confusing, or you would like an image or a photograph removed, get in touch through the repository this site is built from and it will be dealt with promptly.

The short version

It is a website about jeans furniture. Enjoy it, send it to someone, and do not attempt to purchase a Joilet.